


Many Goodbyes

by 107th (FeelsVomit)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Captain America: The First Avenger, Gen, I'm Sorry, Not Happy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 09:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11033688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeelsVomit/pseuds/107th
Summary: Bucky had said goodbye to Steve more times than he can remember.





	Many Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a little tipsy and late at night so if there's mistake please tell me  
> Enjoy :)

Bucky knew it was a bad idea when he kissed Steve the first time; he knew he was gonna fall, only he didn't know the heights of the Alps then.  
Bucky loved Steve. More than anything it hurt. He couldn't be with Steve. That was the bitter truth. The world around them said no. Steve's weak lungs and the ability to catch every illness said no. The cruel gods writing their fate said no.  
Bucky had said goodbye to Steve more times than he can remember. Whilst clutching a hand too cold, when God wasn't listening to Buck's prayers, he'd said goodbye through tears and wheezy silence. Whilst walking home after kissing Steve that hot night when they were fooling around, because why would Steve wanna stick around now. Whilst clutching his enlistment letter, whilst leaving for training, whilst walking away at Stark Expo. Bucky had said goodbye because he knew that they both wouldn't be there at the end of the day just the two of them.  
Bucky set up double dates, trying to give Steve a chance to get away from him. Better to seperate earlier than later. The quicker he said goodbye the easier it would be he told himself. Yet it still felt like a stab in the chest that hurt more than anything else Bucky had felt in his hard life. Bucky had fallen hard for Steve, and he wouldn't be able to pick himself up from the ground. There wasn't chance for him but he wanted to make sure Steve had a future, he was already to far gone. So either Steve was going to go or he was.  
Bucky had said goodbye every time a shell or bullet got too close. No last second prayers asking for more time, no begging for hope. Just a simple "Goodbye Steve".  
Bucky had said goodbye when they'd been captured. When he'd been strapped down and tortured, he just apologised and said goodbye.  
Then by a miracle, Steve was there. The war wasn't going to seperate them. Thanks to the serum, Steve's poor health wasn't going to seperate them. The march back to camp,  side by side with the punk, was the longest time Bucky hadn't said goodbye to Steve in his head. Steve still had the same cocky smile and he was really there. Bucky started to think that they might get out if this alive. Head back to Brooklyn together and grow old becoming bitter and wrinkled together.  
Then they arrived at base, and Bucky saw the way Steve and Agent Carter looked at each other. So Bucky said goodbye again. All the images of a life with Steve disappeared, and this goodbye seemed more final. Steve and Peggy would grow old together, have a family, be accepted. She could give him everything he'd ever wanted, and Bucky couldn't.  
There were close calls whilst hunting hydra. Each time his mind slipped out a goodbye whenever it thought death was near. Then the goodbye wouldn't stick. Each time it didn't stick Bucky would get more and more hope. Like every time Steve crawled back from death's door, Bucky allowed himself to hope.  
Then they had a mission. Get onto a moving train. Bucky ran out of ammo and said his goodbye to Steve when a moment later Steve threw him a gun. The goodbye didn't stick.  
Then a hole was blown in the side of the train and Bucky was clinging on for his life. He started to say his goodbye when Steve climbed out stopping him. There hands were almost touching so maybe this goodbye was like the others that didn't stick.  
Then it fell apart. Bucky only had time to scream out and say one last goodbye.  
Steve had never said goodbye, and now he was saying it forever.  



End file.
